She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize