Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I wish there were birth control emojis
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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