Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize