They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
