he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
