i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
