my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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