Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I party with great urgency now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
