and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
