You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
