My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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