His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
