haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize