Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
