i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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