You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I deserve this hangover.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
