Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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