he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize