the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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