So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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