How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
