Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
