now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
