Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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