grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
