My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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