When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
