So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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