Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
