It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
