I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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