Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
