On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
