On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
