Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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