I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
