I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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