Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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