I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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