Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
