WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
