His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
