in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
