i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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