Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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