next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
