Well douche your snatch and let's go!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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