she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
