I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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