I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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