her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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