i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
