I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just cropdusted the office
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
