oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
