I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
