There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
