I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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