worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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