i think my tv is drunk
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize