Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
