I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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