the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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