Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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