plz talk dirty to me
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
