does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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