Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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