if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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