too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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