90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
