Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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