Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
