Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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