Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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