i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't trust your balls anymore.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
