Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
