I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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